Sunday, October 29, 2006


Our oldest went to a "trunk or treat" with a friend last night. For the uninitiated, here's what I've been able to piece together: Parents gather at a central location (a church parking lot, in this case) where they sit in their cars. The kids (in costume, of course -- did you think this was easy? They do have standards) go around from car to car picking up treats as per usual. Except that it takes all of 20 minutes to score a couple of pounds of loot.

I don't know what traditions you have in your house, but Halloween is a great opportunity to teach kids the sad realities of the grown-up world. We take a chocolate tax from the little beggars. Now before you respond in outraged horror, we don't hit them that hard -- it's just a little lesson in government intrusion. Call it a use tax. But it has to be chocolate. We don't accept Mary Janes, Tootsie Rolls, Dum Dums, or anything Willy Wonka.

The girl tried to pay us with this horror.

I had never seen such an abomination, and still wish I hadn't. This is a confectionary Nightmare on Elm Street. I'm not a big marshmallow fan to begin with. About the only way they're edible is in S'mores. So marshmallows are bad enough, but then to cover one with the cheapest chocolate you can scrape off the bottom of the vat? I think they used the leftovers from this poor guy's mishap. This was not the premium stuff, in case you were wondering. And to top it off -- a grape-flavored goo center (brrrrrr).

This thing looks like the output of the new Candy-Combinator (tm) software designed by Hershey to randomly select ingredients and coatings. It smelled about like you'd expect, too -- industrial candy slop.

I didn't eat the thing. Are you kidding? One of the boys volunteered. We made him bite it in half so we could see the purple haze running through his mouth. It was disappointing. Just a little purple dot in the middle of a springy mass.

I think it could have benefited from fresh, dew-picked baby frogs.

It has our vote for nastiest treat of the '06 season so far.

We'll keep you posted if anything worse shows up in the kids' bags. Feel free to add your own suggestions: What's the worst thing you or your kids have received on Halloween?

UPDATE: Sippican explains Halloween (pretty much).

UPDATE2: We had a light turnout this year, and 3/4 of the homes in our neighborhood were dark. Strange! Doesn't anyone celebrate Halloween anymore? Or is it all trunk or treat now?

And the older boy came home with another nasty Mallow-Jel -- this time strawberry flavored. WIll the horror never end?

1 comment:

SippicanCottage said...

...lightly killed...

Read more!